|
You know what you have, but do you tell others? If so, whom should
you tell and how should you tell them?
Only you can make these choices. If you’re worried about how
people will react, limit whom you tell to people you trust: close
friends, extended family members or coworkers. It’s easy to fear the
worst, but telling people you care and trust
about your IBD might make your life easier.
In the case of school or work, it may be necessary to confide in
your professor or boss, especially if you’re missing multiple days
or not completing assignments due to flare-ups or doctor
appointments. You don’t want to fail a class because you missed an
exam and are too embarrassed to tell your professor you have IBD.
The same goes with work. If you’re not able to complete a project or
have to call in sick often, telling your boss what you’re going
through may save your job. Class or work may require a note from your doctor
explaining why you were out.
Letting those around you know what you’re going through can be as
simple as saying, “Oh, I just take a lot of medicine” or as thorough
as explaining your entire illness. However in-depth you go, making a
connection and helping others understand you better can relieve the stress and awkwardness of adjusting to a new situation. Who
knows? You might even find that your roommate, coworker or friend
has another condition and was too scared to tell you.
Parents
Part of gaining independence is taking responsibility
for yourself
from your parents. It can take a long, long time before your parents
realize that their role in your care has changed. Here are a couple of tips for making their
transition a little easier:
-
Privacy:
Let your parents know whom you’d like them to tell or not tell
about your IBD and how much you’d like them to know.
-
Intrusion:
Assign tasks to your parents and to yourself (and do them) so
they have a clear understanding of which responsibilities they can let go.
For example, ask them to pick up your medicine after you call the
pharmacy and order the refill.
Friends
When
you’re starting a new job or school, it can be difficult to build
and maintain friendships, especially when you need to focus on
recovering from a flare-up or you can’t go out as much as everyone
else. You might find that your friends dwindle in number when you’ve been
sick for a long time and haven’t seen or talked to anyone. Having
less energy and time for friends can push you to make a decision:
swapping quantity for quality. Having a support group is a large
part of healing -- we all need a little lift when we’re down -- but
when you haven’t yet had the time or opportunity to foster strong
friendships, how do you maintain your social support?
The key is to choose whom you want most as a friend
and then to make sure you maintain some contact with that person during your ups and downs.
If you start disappearing from activities,
turning down invitations or missing days
when you would normally see your potential friends, those who
don’t know your situation might feel ignored and ignore you in
return.
To prevent
that lapse in communication, try writing a quick note or making a
couple of phone calls when you know you’ve been out of sight; reach
your new friends before “out of sight, out of mind” sets in.
If you’re going to the hospital where it might be
harder to contact people, you might decide then to inform
your chosen friends about what IBD is for you. Then they can make
the decision to support you or to leave you. As tough as it sounds, your hardest times will make your best friends for you.
Try to remember
that you’re not the only one with problems. Friends you thought
ditched you may be dealing with their own situations and as a result
have have not made
efforts to keep in touch. As angry as you may be, a second chance
might put your friendship back together.
Knowing others with IBD also can provide a wonderful
support system when you’re sick and when you’re well. It’s great to
meet people who know exactly why your cheeks are the size of apples
and why you have the best bathroom library in the country. Contact
your local hospital or the local
Crohn's and Colitis
Foundation of America chapter for a list of IBD-related people
and events. Check out the online chat groups and message boards for
at-your-fingers convenience.
|